So the news recently broke that 3v3 basketball will become an Olympic Sport, come 2020. There isn’t too much info out about the details of the new sport, such as who is eligible and how the teams will be divided, but I don’t care. All I know is that we now live in a time where the game you played during summer basketball camp can now win you an Olympic Gold Medal. What a world we live in. This is a step above making “Knockout” an Olympic sport, and I love it. The Olympics are a billion years old. Its about time we make some changes.
As excited I am about 3v3 basketball, I think we can do better. And when I say better, I mean SlamBall. If you’re not familiar with the beautiful sport of SlamBall, basically its basketball with trampolines, and you can football tackle people. Also there aren’t any rules. It reached its peak in popularity in like 2004 when the games were screened on Spike TV at 11:30 at night, and we all know it doesn’t get any bigger than that. Take a look at some highlights and tell me you aren’t ready to run through a brick wall:
Look back at all the great Olympic moments, and add in trampolines. Picture the 1980 U.S. hockey team’s historic run, except Mike Eruzione scores after taking off from a trampoline 10 feet in the air. Envision Michael Phelps diving in the pool from a trampoline. Gold, Jerry, Gold.
I’m not sure who would partake in the new event, because no NBA player is stupid enough to risk breaking both their ankles playing this game, and I’m pretty sure anyone who ever played this sport has severe CTE and is basically a walking V8. Whatever, we’ll work out the details later.
This sport being played at the international level would change the global community forever. Like to the point that it actually might be irresponsible. I can easily see a USA vs. Russia game getting a little out of hand and all of a sudden we’re back in the Cold War (cue the nerds making comments about how the Cold War never actually ended). Regardless, I need it. The Olympic committee is worried about reaching a younger audience, and 3v3 basketball is a start, but we need more.
The Olympics are great for uniting a country, and I think SlamBall would do that, and more, for the United States. We need SlamBall, and we need it now more than ever. I’m talking Donald Trump and Rosie O’donnell sitting court side together. The type of unity that would bring together Bernie Sanders and capitalism. Republicans and climate change. Mike Pence and… I’ll stop there. Regardless, I need SlamBall, and I needed it yesterday.