Satire – Yesterday during a regularly scheduled interview with the media, several members of the NFL’s Competition Committee noticed some subtle changes in the appearance of New England Patriots wide receiver Danny Amendola.
I spoke with one member of the Competition Committee who observed Amendola during his media session, and here’s what he had to say-
“To say that Mr. Amendola’s drastic change in appearance raised some eyebrows would be an understatement. The normally fair skinned wide receiver had a noticeably darker hue to his skin and his bulging biceps appeared to be splitting his jersey right down the seams.” Media members who interviewed Mr. Amendola reported that he wouldn’t stop boasting that he had increased his max bench press by over 100 pounds overnight and that just twenty before the interview he said that he had literally slung a full grown adult cow over his shoulders and proceeded to squat it upwards of 30 times.”
The NFL’s Competition Committee released an official statement earlier this morning detailing their plans in regards to Amendola-
“Based on the abnormalities observed during Danny Amendola’s troubling media session yesterday, the Competition Committees feels that it is our inherit duty to launch a full scale investigation to ensure that no performance enhancing drugs are in danger of corrupting the integrity of the game. The NFL’s Competition Committee would like to assure that this investigation will be entirely transparent and conducted by an independent investigator.”